"you're too much"

Article originally written for and published by Rebelle Society

To anyone who has heard the following, from others or from a little voice inside:

You’re too much — too emotional, too sensitive, too needy. You’re too idealistic. You want too much; you expect too much; you think too much. You’re doing too much; you’re saying too much; you’re asking for too much. You’re too quiet. You’re too loud. You’re too aggressive. You’re too suggestive. You’re too demanding.

You’re way… too… much.

No, no you’re not. You’re an outlier. You’re a dreamer. You’re hungry. You’re breaking the molds of what society/family/ego tells you that you should be. Because fuck should. Seriously. Fuck should. Who is it telling you who you should be? And do you want to be exactly like them? What voice in your head is whispering this to you, and do you really want to let it dictate your life?

From the moment we’re able to comprehend our environment, we compile a story of who we should be from rules, teachers, parents, siblings, friends, cover girls, politicians, preachers, rock stars, magazines, the mailman, and we let this story manipulate our being into the ideal person as society would have it. We have taken on words and rules from others, and adopted them as our own rules.

It’s not anyone else’s fault, and it’s not our own fault. We are a part of society, and we are the authors of our own story. We don’t need to blame or guilt ourselves or anyone else for these rules, but let’s acknowledge the truth that we’ve collected these shoulds and we’ve resigned ourselves to obeying them. Sometimes we put shoulds in place as a form of protection.

Our teachers and parents give us shoulds in what they think is our best interest. But even the most well-intentioned shoulds are just imposed rules that only fit at the time they were made. Rules are meant to keep things in order, neatly organized, set along a clearly-defined path. It’s a guideline from the average to help you adhere to the average.

But those of us who are too much, we don’t want order; we don’t want standard; we don’t want average. We want brilliance; we want creativity; we want new; we want adventure; we want awe-inspiring, amazing-surreal-wonderful-shocking-original-sexy-authentic. We want to create better lives for ourselves and others. And we believe in our capacity to do so.

We can listen to the shoulds, be smaller, follow their guidelines, and live comfortably mediocre after all. We can listen to the doubts of our family and friends as we pursue a path that doesn’t quite make sense to them. Or, we can throw the old shoulds away. We can say, politely and firmly, No to anything and anyone asking us to be less of who we are.

We can reject those rules, of our own and of others, because they no longer fit who we are now and who we are becoming. We can believe that our too much is the perfect amount, and that our desire for more is a part of our becoming.

It’s not that you’re not too much, because yes, you are too much for your current frame right now. You are bursting at the seams to grow, to expand, to touch and be touched. You’re reaching out and you’re being felt. That expansion is uncomfortable for some people. It’s uncomfortable for you. Let it be. Expand anyway. Embrace your growth.

Let the shoulds shed from you the ideas, stories, and rules, that existed to keep you as you were; let them fall away to make room for new growth.

Embrace your too much. Boil over. Cut away the plastic wrapping. Be raw, and real; be entirely too much. Enjoy yourself as you expand into the person you are becoming.

Maddie Wise